That’s it… I’m a crappy mother. I can’t do anything right. Nobody ever listens to me…
Yeah yeah, I know, this is not true. I’m a good mum and I do my best and most of the time it’s enough, my kids are kind and loving and polite and intelligent and special and beautiful (on the inside, of course)
But this week has been quite a trial. This morning the threats had to become a reality for Grand Master D. This homework thing is just not working.
We had parent teacher conferences this week. Oh how they raved about him.
He’s a wonderful child, he’s a pleasure to have in the class, he is very intelligent….. I’m so sorry about these grades Mrs Mills but Grand Master D just won’t do his homework and that counts and is reflected here.
And there was my queue.. there it was….the empty space I wanted to fill with all my frustrations….. You people have no idea how your stupid homework is killing me slowly from the inside. It’s destroying my family one frigging reading hour at a time! How is this ever gonna do anything for him? Why are you setting stupid goals. I hate this, I hate you, I hate my son for not doing your stupid homework, I hate who I am becoming because of this stinking useless homework.
That’s what I wanted to say…. but you know I didn’t because I wasn’t hauled out of the school by security. That would have been on the 6 o’clock news.
This is how it really went down….. Mrs Mills his bad grades are reflected by his incomplete homework. He’s a very smart boy but he’s not trying hard enough. He gets his classwork done but doesn’t do his homework. This is important as we’re trying to teach them how to organise themselves and get ready for high school, you want him to get into a good high school don’t you?
Well of course I want him to get into a good high school. Do you have any idea how much sleep I’m losing and the anxiety already building up in me for an event that is 2 years away? 2 Freaking YEARS. You think I don’t know? Oh I know, but it’s a knowing that comes from NOT knowing anything! I didn’t do high school here. I don’t know what a 3.0 or 4.0 average even means? I have no idea what SAT’s actually are……..
So help me, teachers! Give me suggestions on how to do this. I’m out of ideas. I am lost. I’ve tried pretty much everything…
All I know is my son has just turned 12, he has to read at least 5 hours a week and write at least a page every night and do at least 2 math pages every night and complete spanish homework and science homework and write about what he just read in his reading life journal and eat dinner and go to Taekwondo and have a life and be a kid and be in bed by 8.
He’s 12, yes, he still goes to bed at 8. (And weren’t the teachers surprised by that!) I can’t get him out of bed before 7 and then he’s slower than a snail with a broken foot slithering over salt…He’s tired, cranky, moody, sick in the stomach, headachy (it’s a word ok) prepubescent and a pain in my arse!
3 days a week he tries to get out of going to school for some reason or another. He makes plans to get his homework done, tells me those plans and then proceeds to do whatever else he can to avoid getting those plans completed.
The teachers tell me I have to help him. I say he’s 12 and this is his homework, not mine and I can not be this bitch anymore. But I have tried so very hard to help him. Every word out of my mouth is about homework , have you done your reading, how many hours have you done? Are you doing your homework? Have you got much homework tonight?
I hate it, He hates it. I have encouraged, punished, yelled, cried, ignored, got The King involved…. and trust me nobody wants THAT!
I’m fucking over it!
This morning was the last straw and I snapped. We had discussed the parent teacher conference and how he had to get more organised and get it done. We made a new plan. He’s been telling me all week the math packet wasn’t due until Friday and he was doing it. He had a half day Wednesday due to the parent teacher conferences, plenty of time to get ahead.
He told me it would be done, he told me he had plenty of time… ‘Mum I’m on it’.
Well he wasn’t. He had done 6 sums, 6, out of 5 pages! I lost it!
Just what I wanna do at 7 fucking AM on a Friday… That’s what I want, to yell at my kid before school. To fuck up my day, and his… To be an arsehole mother who yells at her kids in the morning. I told him that the phone was going for the weekend.
He was shocked! Genuinely shocked, like why would I do that? It’s like there’s a disconnect….
I don’t know what else to do.. he’s too old to sit next to every night and monitor his every pen stroke, he doesn’t want that, I don’t want that but we have to almost go back to that because he just doesn’t do it.
There are no consequences at school, except for grades.. but kids don’t relate to those until it’s too late, they don’t see the importance, they’re 12…….. they think they can make it up… But this is serious and this is where the system sucks. Make him stay in after school, make him stay in at lunch, make it painful, shame him, make it hard to not do your homework and have real consequences. This is YOUR job, you set it, you make them do it. What 12 yo thinks about what will happen 2 years from now when they get a shitty high school because they’ve got so much going on that they can’t sort the homework out in 7th grade.
Help me! This is affecting MY relationship with MY son. I don’t want that!
Tonight the fight will continue because he needs to read for at least 3 hours on the weekend just to get the 5 logged by next Friday.
Tonight the negotiation will continue, he already asked just before he left…..’If I get my stuff done can I have my phone over the weekend?’ I’m thinking no, there has to be pain, there has to be a lesson. It’s just a weekend, right, but it might be enough pain to get him on track. I hope so because I can’t continue on like this.
This makes me hate the process, this makes me seriously contemplate, if only for a minute, homeschooling…. but then I slap myself, hard, really hard. You can’t even make them do homework….I want them to want to learn, I want them to invest in their own future. I tell them ALL the time, this is YOUR job, this is for you , I’ve done my homework and schooling. But nobody listens when they’re young and so I look for a new tact, a new way to inspire, a new way to make them do it, so that I don’t have to…..
And to top it all off Miss Gremlin sees it all and because Grand Master D rocks her world, she’s doing the same thing….. and NOW I really have to sit, every night and do fucking homework.