Are We There Yet?

Seriously, this school year will NOT DIE… Yesterday was a half day. Brilliant idea. Make the kids get up on a Monday morning to go to school until 11:30. These guys are smokin’ crack! I may need some soon but this is how we’re limping to the finish line….

morning routines

6:40.. I’m rudely awoken from awesome dreams by ‘natural’ buzzing of the wrist from my Up by Jawbone band. I head to the loo to read my latest tweets and facebook stuff then silently slip downstairs so as to not wake the King. I shut one door and open the other for Sir Lickalot, who is so pleased to see my feet hit the floor, he immediately ‘talks’ as loud as he can. I shush and direct him out and he takes care of his tweets and facebook updates.

6:45. I struggle to the couch where I flop, just to get myself together enough to face the day…I open my laptop because what else would you do but delve immediately into the internet in the morning. I whizz around checking stats and comments on the blog, read more in depth into the facebook statuses and delete the 65 Target, Victoria Secret and Old Navy emails I have accrued since midnight’s last check. I check the time…

6:53, great plenty of time before getting the children up at 7:00. Then I see my A Mother Life facebook  has 666 likes! Panicked, I head to my groups to plead for salvation in the form of ONE MORE LIKE. I look up at the cable box.

7:04, shit… I quickly jump up and head toward the Junior suite, where the cherubs enjoy their last moments of slumber before the hell that is a school morning washes over them. I go to Grand Master D first, as he’s the hardest to get moving. I swear this child turned 11 and received cement shoes…He wakes with a start, like he does every morning. I gently stroke his arm after I’ve already started calling his name. He grumbles and turns over. I head around the other side to wake my shiny morning baby… Miss Gremlin. I repeat the procedure, gently stroking arm after saying her name.. She’s less than chipper this morning. Its just that time of year…but I persist in my task  knowing there’s no other way. I head back to Grand Master D, who is comatose once again.. Shit boy.. ‘GET UP mate.. Come on, lets go.’

7:15 They finally stumble out of the room. Shit, we’re late…I point to the bathroom for Miss Gremlin, otherwise she waits until Grand Master D is in the shower…. every damn day. I ask what they’d like for breakfast and begin my frenzied kitchen whirlwind…raisin bran, vegemite toast and pineapple juice for her… As Grand Master D tries desperately to snuggle down into the bar stool at the counter, I painfully extract his breakfast request. Fruit loops and raisin toast and apple juice please. I dispense the gummy vits and have a glass of water while I wait to butter toast. A quick look at the clock shows 7:25.

While they’re munching, I get their clothes ready, placing hers on the end of her bed and his just inside the bathroom. I hurry them up with their eating as the clock reads 7:30, mockingly.

I finish my water and rush them to get dressed. Grand Master D showers and Miss Gremlin dresses. She comes out, all ready within a few minutes while Grand Master D is still in the shower. This kid is the cleanest boy I know! He finally exits the bathroom, it’s a good day as I haven’t had to knock 3 times…time check

7:44 We’re ok, five minutes they can do it… Miss Gremlin is sent to the bathroom to brush her teeth, with a reminder to ‘do a good job’ while I call into Grand Master D to get off his bed and get dressed, but he’s dressed this morning, that was yesterday… 

7:48 panic begins to rise in my chest… Miss Gremlin’s almost good to go and asks me to help her untie the knots of champions in her laces. As we work together we finish a shoe each and she puts them on, grabs her bag and the suit for dry cleaning and heads out the door! She’s my favourite today.. She wins the go to school race.

I head back to check on Grand Master D’s progress. He’s brushing his teeth… no he’s squeezing a zit. OMG what have I started…. anyway. I give him a time update and he looks ok, it’ 7:50 but if he leaves now he’ll make it by 8:00. He leaves the bathroom, we’re on track , we’re gonna make it …………….

And then it all falls apart! I don’t even know what stops him… but the next time I look it’s 7:56 and I’m in a frenzy… lets go! You’re gonna be late again! Come ON!

How did we ever get out the door by 7:40 when I was walking them? I know, less free will, I was in charge… but now I just sit and wait as the clock on the cable box flips from 7:59 to 8:00, my dreams of not receiving  a call from school at 6pm are shattered. He comes and hugs and kisses me and I say good bye. My reward for being patient. 🙂 I hear the elevator and then I hear the lock on the door, it jiggles, clinks and nothing… I get up and open the door and there’s Grand Master D…. ‘I need a pen.’ he announces. I offer him the one on my desk 5 feet from the door but he walks down the 30′ hallway into his room to get HIS pen. Minutes tick by, well it seems that way…he re-emerges with his pen and walks out the door.

They’re gone… it’s over.I slump on the couch to regain my composure… coffee, that’s what I need .

You should be proud! I manage all of that every day with out coffee!

But soon, very soon, it will be summer and I will wake naturally without the buzz of an armband alarm, probably around 8, without the frenzy and without the panic of being late….but not today, not this week……

Comments 21

  1. My head was spinning just reading this! How do you do it all–BEFORE even having a sip of coffee??? Thankfully this phase in my life is over–I raised 4 little hellions but I’m not gonna lie–there was copious amounts of coffee involved–same goes for wine in the evenings just to decompress from the day’s hectic schedule. Now all I have left at home is the 17 yr. old–but having him and his friends around is kinda like having a pack of toddlers hyped up on grape Koolaide in the house. At least there is some peace in my day when they hit the malls or the movie theatre! Hang in there mom—one day soon you’ll be able to sip your coffee quietly in the morning while you troll through Facebook and blogs…. the blissful life!

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  2. Yes, I would be really happy if someone would explain the logic of a half-day for the last day to me! My son’s school has the last day pegged as ‘Game day’! So, just wake them up early so they can come and play games (non-plugged versions) in school till 11.30! Really!

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      It’s all about the numbers. Whomever organises the school year is on big fat juicy drugs! Last year our last day was a half day Wednesday but Monday and Tuesday were pupil free days?! WTF?! Why can’t anyone tell me why we don’t start school on a Monday and finish on a Friday? Too logical?

  3. I hear ya. Every day it’s the same damn thing as if we’ve never done this before.
    The part I really like is: “I read more in depth into the facebook statuses.” Love the in depth reading of FB!

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  4. Wow is all I can say to that one. I usually get up around 6 but go to bed around 2 or 3 and go and wake the 5 year old up so that he can get dressed I already have everything sitting out clothes, toothbrush toothpaste and mouth wash. While he is getting dressed I get dressed and then we head off to school. He eats breakfast at school and then I make a smoothie and start my morning workout and then start working on my post and videos for the week along with any freelance jobs I have to get out for clients. I always feel like I am moving a mile a minute to get it all done.

    Just wanted to pop over from the “I Don’t Like Monday’s” blog hop.

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      1. I get asked that a lot. I have really gotten use to just not sleeping I am ex military and I remember being on a ship and being woken up 2-3 time a night and then having to stand watch. So I think that i have just been conditioned to function on little to no sleep…LOL

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          Well more power to ya lady! If I don’t get 8 hrs I’m a waste of skin.. Oh sure i can go a few days but then I crash in a screaming heap…My husband needs less sleep and he can’t understand why I need more but then again his empathy button is broken.!

  5. Probably shouldn’t tell you that my kids are already out of school and that son #2 and I already spent a week in Mexico, eh?

    Hang in there! And geesh — get some coffee. That should always be step #1!

  6. I wonder how some of these people were ever allowed in a school, much less running things. My last child graduated last week so I don’t have to deal with that anymore. Amazing! Those years went so quickly!

    I promise you summer will get here.

    “I Don’t Like Mondays!!”

  7. Before coffee? You’re superhuman! This sounds familiar, especially your son! I had to start waking up earlier and earlier to get my Turtle-Man son out the door, as his showers got LONGER and his wake-up got more difficult. I’ve tried everything from music in the morning, to a short-lived “morning run” with him. He’s 18 and still hard to get up and out the door 🙂 It’s comforting to know it’s not just us in the morning!

  8. Mornings are indeed hard. I don’t know how you do that without coffee. My son Colin is the hardest to wake up. I was struggling with it until I found a sure-fire way to get him up: I ask him if he wants rutabagas for breakfast. He gets so horrified at the thought that he gets out of bed. Every. Time. And then I make him peanut-butter toast. I’m gonna milk that one for as long as it lasts.

  9. Haha! Your mornings sound so much like mine. Most mornings, I feel like a freakin auctioneer- getcher pants, pants, pants, shoes, shoes, brush your teeth teeth teeth, drink your juice, bag, bag, bag, grab your bag… It’s exhausting! And the day just started!

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