I wrote a letter but I couldn’t send it, there’s no mail service to the great beyond…. but it felt good to just write it anyway.
Hey Dad-are you there?
You’ve been on my mind a lot. I can’t shut you out. Does that mean you want to talk to me? I really wish you would. I looked at skype again today but still you’re offline. I guess the internet is down.
Let me tell you what’s been going on here. It’s been so long since we talked. I forget what you’ve missed. The kids have grown so much, they’re so wonderful. They make me proud. Miss Gremlin got student of the month for last month , her ceremony was last week. I didn’t send you any pictures but I think you knew anyway. She was so proud and nervous making her speech.The stitches in her face looked pretty funny. Grand Master D is doing so well. He writes scripts now you know. He’s growing up so much. He has that knife of yours hanging on his wall. He doesn’t talk about you much but I know it reminds him. He’s proud to have it.
Miss Gremlin cries about you a lot, she really understands. She’s sad she couldn’t come to see you that last time and I am too. I wish it was different. I wish we had more time. We got the family tree books out this morning. I told her all about them. She couldn’t believe you spent 25 years researching so much of our family. She wished you were still here so you could add her and her brother in them. I guess that’s my job now. She’s the thinker you know. Through all her tough exterior she soft and sweet and thoughtful.
Your Brother had his birthday in February as you know.I’m sure you were hanging around. He’s 72 this year. I heard he’s a little worried but we’ll keep him busy and thinking of the future. That 72 thing is just a coincidence. He is convinced that he caused it all and he’ll not get through the year. Come talk to him, tell him he has so much to enjoy. His oldest grandchild is driving and he has so much pride for them all. I talked to him for an hour, it comforts me to do it. It brings me closer to you.
Mum is moving on and coping as best she can. I call her nearly everyday, she’s going through so much, I know she wished you stayed. It wasn’t what you wanted, you were tired and that old body just wanted to lay down that one last time. I get that but it still hurts. She’s had to sell most of the farm, it’ll be gone in a couple of weeks but I know you know all that. I imagine you’ve been sitting at the end of the table listening to every plan and negotiation. She must be channelling you, she’s become a tough negotiator. I hate being so far away. She needs me and I can’t help. It’s really hard.
We’ll still be able to walk on the land so it won’t be that different I suppose. Grand Master D is planning on making a western next time we go over. Funny huh. Making a ‘western’ on the farm. I hope your smiling down, I hope we’ve done you proud. I talk about you often to the kids and tell stories of my life as a kid and the things you did. It’s important that they hear those stories.
It’s easier now to think of you and talking makes me smile, even though I miss you, yeah you’ve been gone a while. Two years is coming up, July is almost here. Two birthdays and two Christmases, and now two anniversaries. I guess my dreams are where we meet but you’re always hanging around, a thought, a memory, a feeling . It’s like you’re reaching out, reaching down deep inside me bringing back things I forgot I even knew.
So Dad that’s it for now. I wonder if you’ll get this or even know I wrote. It’s hard to be the one left behind, with all the memories. A lifetime of things rattle ’round in my brain. So many times I want to just get on skype and say hello or pick up the phone and call but that’s over now. There’s an upside I suppose. I constantly feel you near me, always just beyond my reach but that can be really frustrating too. The miles no longer separate us there’s a bigger gap now. The great beyond between us. I have no rush to get there, even though I miss you, my job down here is too important and the kids, well they need me. I know you’re waiting patiently for all of us with those who waited for you.
Anyway it’s early morning here, the house is really quiet, everyone’s still sleeping, your favourite time of day. The morning rush will start soon and you’ll get lost in all the noise. Just know I think about you all the time and wish we had you here for just a little longer.
I love you and miss you everyday.
Some times you just have to write down your incoherent thoughts that need to come out. I feel his presence. It’s really weird. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Life can be strange like that. So forgive this indulgence in things that make you sad. I’m not usually like this and the feeling will pass. But the presence is so strong it’s like he’s reaching out and so I wrote a letter. I hope you understand.
Do you feel the loved ones close around sometimes? It’s a strange feeling and one that’s hard to shake. I’m sure they’re reaching out.
Wow, here we are again, Happy Hump Day! These weeks come around so quickly, before we know it we’ll be hanging Christmas lights again. 42 awesome people hooked up last week, so come on over and Bring your links and we’ll Hook Up