English isn’t English In America

englishI like to think that in the course of 7 years, (yep, 7… time sure flies when you’re having ….whatever this is…….) that I’ve assimilated to American life. Most days, I know what I’m doing, can find what I want and speak to many and varied folks with nary a hint of bother.Β 

But still, sometimes this language I call English, which is my native and only tongue, lets me know I’m not in Kansas anymore, oh wait, sure I am… I’m not in England anymore, or Australia to be precise, as I never been to England, although I have relatives and my mum is….. oh sorry, squirrel.

Where was I? Oh, Non English, yes, so over the last 7 years of getting my shit together in American culture, I still have moments where, although I’m conversing NOT conversating in a shared language, the meaning is totally misconstrued.

Take for example (ie) the simple act of making coffee for a friend: This really happened, I’m not making it up as an example … The name is changed to protect my embarrassment…….k?

Me: Hey Don, the King is still in the shower, can I make you a coffee?

Don: sure!

Making coffee like a good little wifey host for Don..

Me: Hey Don, do you have sugar?

Don: Um, Do I have sugar? I have sugar at home, oh do you mean on me? no …

Me: WTF???? In your coffee, do you have sugar in your coffee? (confused face)

Don: OH, do you mean do I take sugar? Yes 2 please (i forget now but 2 is considered polite) whatevs it’s my reenactment

Me: Ah, take sugar, so we’re being literal here. You have a bath at home but it doesn’t mean you take one every day…. Ok America I feel you….

Yeah that last bit after the ‘take sugar’ may have been in my head but you can see my dilemma.

We Aussies say have a bath, have sugar, how are you going?….. when I say how are you going to someone, they think I’m literally asking their mode of transportation and then I remind myself to go all Joey on them and say “how you doin'”…

It’s a confusing thing.. I’m working on it…

Listen….don’t even get me started on the difference in what we call things….here’s a few just for kicks….

biscuit=cookie

scone=biscuit

g-string=thong

thong=flip flops

doona=comforter

power point=power outlet

petrol=gas

chilli flakes=crushed red peppers

capsicum=peppers

footpath=sidewalk

normal=regular

Oh, FYI if you ever speak to the English don’t tell them you sit on your fanny! A fanny is NOT the same as it is here…….you’re telling them you sit on your vajayjay.

Awkward……

Yeah tis…..and rooting for your team, in Australia, sure makes you the most popular girl with said team… butΒ somewhat of a slut….

*I won’t mention the spelling, I mentioned the spelling once but I think I got away with it….. πŸ™‚

 

Oh and Dan…… did you see what I did there? πŸ˜›

This particular post may have been brought to you by too much coffee on too little sleep……just sayin

Comments 22

  1. lived in the States for a year and it wasnt just the accent that was a dead give away that ‘I wasnt from around there’ I spent hours walking round shops looking for simple things like stock, and I now know that its not near the gravy its in the soups in the end I became great friends with the staff which was a bit of a help but sometimes I felt like I was speaking alien hehe. Oh and also learnt that pissed doesnt necessarily mean drunk it can mean your cranky.

  2. I love it!! I don’t know how it is to have to assimilate to another culture, but at least it isn’t to another “drastically different language”. I think its really amusing. For example, “I just smoked a fag” is not a sexual inuendo at all….it simply means I had a cigarrette in England. A friend of mine who grew up til she was a teen in England told me about all the little language nuances that she had to get used to over here. Its funny though, because I thought she was originally from Australia because her accent sounded that way, but she said it was her messed up American accent over time, changing her England accent and for some reason people think she’s an Aussie…funny.

    Anyway, I will enjoy reading more and I found your blog on the Thumping Thursday Hop. I’d love for you to check my blog out sometime.

    Heather from Mommy Only Has 2 Hands

    1. Post
      Author

      funny you mention fags, my daughter came home telling me a kid in her class was talking about the english calling cigarettes ‘fags’. We even had little candies in a box called fags when I was a kid, and later on chocolate filled cigarettes.. which had actual cigarette papers around them and looked for the world like cigarettes. COuld you imagine it today? Oh My Lord!
      I know there are many other differences…. Thanks for dropping by.

  3. This post made me laugh! Thanks. πŸ™‚ I love the small language difference between different varieties of English. My kids had a new babysitter on Monday and she’s from New Zealand. After she left, I asked my daughter how she liked the sitter. She said, “I liked her! Except she had some funny talk.” πŸ˜‰

  4. Adorable. I learned about “fanny” from Kelly Osbourne on “Fashion Police.” She had to explain why the Brits refer to “fanny-packs” as a “bum-bags.”

    And I must ask, was the “nary a hint of bother” thing intentional? I have never heard that phrase, and it sounds like something Winnie the Pooh would say. I love it.

  5. My husband worked in Scotland for three years and has remarked several times how the English there is completely different than our English… Especially the cuss words! (he works in the oilfield so thats what he was most interested in lol)

    Loved your post! I just followed you from Funny Postpartum Lady’s Blog Hop. Much love from The Pinspired Mom :O)

  6. My husband is a scientist, and his research lab is full of foreigners. When we all get together for beers and the slang starts flying, it gets pretty funny between the Chinese, Australian, German, Romanian, British, and American friends.

  7. I LOVE this post. It’s my life too. Well it used to be, more when I lived in Australia, but even now in the States, when my husband opens his mouth around my friends I have to translate… NO we certainly do not both speek the same english.

    Oh, and when we lived in OZ everytime we went clothes shopping, I would come out of the dressing room and yell out in my best Southern american girl accent, “Baby, do these pants make my fanny look big?” HAHAHAHA!! He hated it, I LOVED IT!!

  8. “oh sorry, squirrel.” Priceless.

    When I was in London, I’ll never forget the woman who asked me if I wanted Oregon oh on my pizza. I was like, “what?” And said, “Oregon oh.” “Huh?” She picked up a container and showed me. And I was all, “OOOOOhhhh oregano! Yes.”

  9. LOL!!! I have a few Australian friends and I love reading the differences in word meanings. For example I was talking to my Aussie friend about a diaper rash problem with my youngest and she kept referring to them as “nappies”. Love it! Oh and cracking up over the fanny/vajayjayjay comment! Hilarious!!!

  10. This did happen. Pretty much the way it was described above. I also have β€” or is it take? πŸ™‚ β€” other examples, like:

    over the road = across the street
    good on ya = good for you
    ute = pickup
    aluminium = aluminum “ah-LOO-min-um”
    enquiry = inquiry
    queue = line
    chemist = drug store
    piss off = go away
    zed = zee
    fortnight = two weeks (You taught me this – I had never heard this word used by a single living human being in my entire life. I naturally assumed it had been retired in the 17th century)
    and of course:
    vegemite = nuclear waste (IMHO)

  11. The differences between UK English and US English are sometimes hilarious (sorry, but I don’t know about Australia πŸ™ ). And I am not even a native-speaker! My better half is English and the little ones are brought up in bilingual family which will make them even more fucked-up then I have imagined πŸ˜‰

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