englishI like to think that in the course of 7 years, (yep, 7… time sure flies when you’re having ….whatever this is…….) that I’ve assimilated to American life. Most days, I know what I’m doing, can find what I want and speak to many and varied folks with nary a hint of bother.¬†

But still, sometimes this language I call English, which is my native and only tongue, lets me know I’m not in Kansas anymore, oh wait, sure I am… I’m not in England anymore, or Australia to be precise, as I never been to England, although I have relatives and my mum is….. oh sorry, squirrel.

Where was I? Oh, Non English, yes, so over the last 7 years of getting my shit together in American culture, I still have moments where, although I’m conversing NOT conversating in a shared language, the meaning is totally misconstrued.

Take for example (ie) the simple act of making coffee for a friend: This really happened, I’m not making it up as an example … The name is changed to protect my embarrassment…….k?

Me: Hey Don, the King is still in the shower, can I make you a coffee?

Don: sure!

Making coffee like a good little wifey host for Don..

Me: Hey Don, do you have sugar?

Don: Um, Do I have sugar? I have sugar at home, oh do you mean on me? no …

Me: WTF???? In your coffee, do you have sugar in your coffee? (confused face)

Don: OH, do you mean do I take sugar? Yes 2 please (i forget now but 2 is considered polite) whatevs it’s my reenactment

Me: Ah, take sugar, so we’re being literal here. You have a bath at home but it doesn’t mean you take one every day…. Ok America I feel you….

Yeah that last bit after the ‘take sugar’ may have been in my head but you can see my dilemma.

We Aussies say have a bath, have sugar, how are you going?….. when I say how are you going to someone, they think I’m literally asking their mode of transportation and then I remind myself to go all Joey on them and say “how you doin'”…

It’s a confusing thing.. I’m working on it…

Listen….don’t even get me started on the difference in what we call things….here’s a few just for kicks….

biscuit=cookie

scone=biscuit

g-string=thong

thong=flip flops

doona=comforter

power point=power outlet

petrol=gas

chilli flakes=crushed red peppers

capsicum=peppers

footpath=sidewalk

normal=regular

Oh, FYI if you ever speak to the English don’t tell them you sit on your fanny! A fanny is NOT the same as it is here…….you’re telling them you sit on your vajayjay.

Awkward……

Yeah tis…..and rooting for your team, in Australia, sure makes you the most popular girl with said team… but¬†somewhat of a slut….

*I won’t mention the spelling, I mentioned the spelling once but I think I got away with it….. :)

 

Oh and Dan…… did you see what I did there? :P

This particular post may have been brought to you by too much coffee on too little sleep……just sayin