We’ve all had the talk right? Well I hope so, especially if you’re getting on in years. Nobody wants surprises like how to get a baby out without preparation…
This is a part of a mother’s job, to tell her daughter about the facts of life. Do you remember how your mum told you?
Was she embarrassed, did she throw a packet of pads at you and tell you to figure it out? Or was she the kind of mum who explained what would go on and maybe went a little too far? Were you grossed out?
If you’re lucky you had a mum who shot straight down the middle, just the right information so you knew what the hell was happening but not so much that you swore never to have children in your whole entire life and nothing would change your mind. I had that mum. But still there’s things she left out that might have been good to know.
So as a public service I’m going to list some things we need to know that our mother’s probably didn’t/won’t tell us and that we really should make sure our daughters know …………
Alright, this is the big one… The number one thing mothers should really fess up about. Women tend to not talk about birth until you’ve done it, then they’re all about sharing their birth stories… FUCK THAT! Why didn’t you say it was gonna feel like you were shitting a football? I mean really? You had to go all “It was so beautiful to see you, I forgot about the pain”. BULLSHIT! I still remember every damn second and it was a decade ago. And what’s with the not sharing about bleeding a fuckton of blood for weeks….. weeks. This is information that’s useful.
Sex * disclaimer* I’ve done none of the following. These are all stories I’ve heard 🙂
Ok this one’s pretty broad so let’s do sub categories.
a) Don’t have sex after eating really spicy pizza, especially if you decide to get adventurous.. WASH you hands AND lips beforehand because let me tell you, trying to scrub the burnies out of your hoohaa in the hotel room sink doesn’t really work!
b) Be careful how weird you get, you might get something stuck or you might get a little too creative with craft supplies. It’s best to leave the kinky stuff to the porn movies.
c) Don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you’re doing. Waking up to having sex isn’t pleasant. Your body might have been saying ‘yes’ but now you’re conscious you’re like HELL NO! This is how rapes happen. Learn how to drink responsibly. It’s important.
d) Sex isn’t always fulfilling. Sometimes it’s a chore but withholding it will never get you what you want. Work on it, be available….
Marriage is Rough, tough and hard work
Experience life before you get married. I’m not saying go whore around but certainly find out who you are before you become a couple with someone. You’re never prepared for what marriage will throw at you, no matter what you think. Look beyond the infatuation and see the man for who he is. Is he responsible, hardworking, decent? Does he care about the same things you? If your parents don’t approve, look at that honestly, outsiders can often see what you can’t. Make sure you’re not doing it just because your parents disapprove. Make sure you really know who you’re marrying. When the sweat dries you have to live a life with this person. It’s easier to cut and run BEFORE you get married or have children. It has to be right for YOU.
Look After Yourself First
This seems like a simple thing right? But we get so caught up in being good wives and mothers and proving ourselves to whomever we feel the need, that we forget to be kind to ourselves first. Women are very guilty of this. Go out with your girlfriends, get pissed, have fun. Don’t lose yourself in the dynamic of the family.
The relationship between a mother and daughter can be complicated. Not everyone has a good relationship. Some are beautiful, some are fraught with jealousy and resentment.
As a mother try to remember what it was like to be your daughter’s age and accept them no matter what…. As a daughter, try to understand how it must be for your mother, the struggles she’s going through. Life has a funny way of making things turn full circle. Love and acceptance from both sides will help you through so much better than anger and bitterness.
This post is pretty hilarious…so happy I stumbled upon it at 8 in the morning…who needs a newspaper anyway? All the important stuff is right.here. :)) Happily, my little one is young enough to make me cringe even thinking about her ever approaching any of these subjects but I hope, when it’s time, I’ll know…and I won’t be afraid to talk! New follower from the TGIF hop!
noel @ high heeled mama
Welcome! I’m glad to be able to make you smile so early..
Just the right mixture of true honest thought and downright funny. I’m not the Mother of daughters, but I am a daughter so I could relate to most of it, except the getting pissed part (which means getting angry where I come from)!
yeah sorry, In OZ pissed=drunk… pissed off=angry 🙂
Amen, Sista! So true esp. the birth part & the marriage part & the look after yourself part. Ok so all of it.
well you know, I try 😛
It’s just before 8am in the UK & I’m glad I clicked through. Women just don’t do that type of sharing, noone wants to scare you out of having kids or getting married. And I suspect during most midlife crisises (is that the word), we try to unleash the sexual godess trapped in us.
Such is life. I hope when my time comes, I can tell it like it is.
You know what’s worse than spicy pizza? Jalapenos. Also, this is just a story I heard . . . 😉
yeah I think I heard that rumour too!
Great article! I was feeling betrayed when i first got pregnant last year. There were so many things that NOONE ever told me not even in school. Not any mother, friend or doctor. It was kinda like a unpleasant surprise to find out things like Morning Sickness being a complete lie- it can happen in the afternoon or nighttime too. For me I was nasueas at all times of the day everyday for most of my pregnancy. Also It’d be nice to get a headsup on what postpartum is really about, as women i think we should share more and be less secretive. Thanks again for sharing 🙂
Im sorry you had a bad experience. Maybe you’ll help someone else someday 🙂 Thanks for dropping by.
LOVE LOVE LOVE… the fact that I have a boy. Daddy can do the talking. Seriously, this was brilliant!
Yeah that’s not gonna go well! See Ollie, take the wombat……