Let’s talk secret women’s business, ok to be more precise, secret ‘older’ women’s business.
The dreaded menopause. Yup I dared to speak the word. The change of life.
We all know the facts right but living them is a wholly different experience: There are many fazes, I have listed some below. Please feel free to add any I may have missed or am yet to experience.
The ‘don’t touch me I’m so hot’ faze
The ‘get away from me before I eat you’ faze
The ‘you can’t seriously want sex from me’ faze
The ‘if I get a fourth period this month I’m gonna scream’ faze
The ‘I can gain a pound a day without even looking at food ‘ faze
These fazes are just some of the amazing things happening to me, sometimes simultaneously, just for fun!
I think it’s utterly rude that we not only have to endure menstruation for 30+ years and painful childbirth but now, when all that’s coming to an end, we get all these other issues. I have spent half of this week sleeping on the couch, not because I don’t love my bed but because I’m so hot and the airconditioner isn’t cooling me and I’m like a fish flip-flopping on the deck of a boat. The King, in his patient voice says “will you be flipping around for long?” And knowing that the answer will undoubtedly be yes, I just grab my pillow and head downstairs where I can have the aircon going at 65 degrees and I can flip until my hearts content. It’s just easier.
Even during the day I feel a rise in my core temperature, wait, what am I, a planet? It’s not unlike the elevated temps you endure during pregnancy. I can’t stand to have anyone touch me, or stand too close. Miss Gremlin is all touchy feelly these days and I continually sidestep her advances, not that I don’t want a hug from my sweet girl but just don’t touch me…. sheesh, especially on a hot subway platform.
And then because Mother Nature is also menopausal, she is turning on the hottest flash the North East has seen in a while because she hates us!
So how do we combat all these problems?
We yell at everyone, we get moody, we sit on top of the air conditioner. We drink! We stay indoors and we hope like hell it’ll be over soon. And I’m not talking about the heatwave.
Are you suffering? Is your significant other? How are you all coping?