Neuticles for your Cuticle-This is not a Manicure Post

When you have a dog, there are many things you need to think about, if you’re a responsible owner you get your pet spayed or neutered….. right? Of course, there are so many stray animals and the best way to stop unwanted animals is to fix them. It’s a simple procedure. However so many people don’t want to do this to their dogs, mainly male dogs because they feel that altering the dog will cause distress. Nuh Aah

May I dare put forth that it’s men who feel this way and not the dog at all. May I also suggest, the fact that a dog can lick his dick regardless of whether his balls are in tact or not closes the argument.

It’s these very inadequacies of the male owner’s psyche and the need for all things masculine and ball scratching, and not the dog, that has brought about the invention of Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for the neutered dog or cat…..

neuticles

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!

Seriously? Who in their right mind would do this?  What happened? You woke up one morning and said ‘Man I wish I didn’t take my dogs balls, I’m gonna invent some fake ones for him.’

Because dogs have self esteem issues when they lose parts of their body, according to the website:

  • Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering. With Neuticles®-“It’s like nothing ever changed”sm 
  • As Natural As Nature Intended… 
    The texture and firmness of NeuticlesNatural were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles. 
 

Ok, let’s pretend for a second that this is legit and dogs really do miss their dangly bits… Of course we want to be humane to our  animals and keep their natural look while being responsible owners. This is important for our best friends right? I can almost see the merit, almost… but then I saw this and I just couldn’t anymore.

And for all you weirdos…. here’s the procedure on video. I didn’t even push play… but because it’s the internet and we can always learn more, I will offer it to you. I know, I’m thoughtful like that.

 

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  1. OMG – I want to give these to a human as a joke. I don’t think I can watch the video – I’ll either yak or laugh so hard I’ll choke and die on my soda. You rock! I thought these were fake!!!!

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  2. I wanna know who did the testing: “The texture and firmness of NeuticlesNatural were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles.” ‘Cuz that’s just wrong.

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      I think the real issue here is that Fido feels whole and isn’t teased by his ‘Balls in Tact’ friends. Dog bullying is rife in the canine community.

      Bhahahaha I tried for a straight face, truly I did.

  3. Just the word “Neuticles” is making me laugh hysterically. I thought for sure this was a joke, but no, silly me. Of course it’s real, and of course the ri-goddamn-diculous Kardashians are all about it. I am not watching that video though. Gross.

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  4. OH.MY.GOD. My favorite: “a dog can lick his dick.” My other favorite: “and said ‘Man I wish I didn’t take my dogs balls, I’m gonna invent some fake ones for him.’” I laughed so hard.

    I want to know who tested them & how they got it to be the exact firmness and texture of the actual dog testicles. That job must be AWESOME.

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