Neuticles for your Cuticle-This is not a Manicure Post

When you have a dog, there are many things you need to think about, if you’re a responsible owner you get your pet spayed or neutered….. right? Of course, there are so many stray animals and the best way to stop unwanted animals is to fix them. It’s a simple procedure. However so many people don’t want to do this to their dogs, mainly male dogs because they feel that altering the dog will cause distress. Nuh Aah

May I dare put forth that it’s men who feel this way and not the dog at all. May I also suggest, the fact that a dog can lick his dick regardless of whether his balls are in tact or not closes the argument.

It’s these very inadequacies of the male owner’s psyche and the need for all things masculine and ball scratching, and not the dog, that has brought about the invention of Neuticles, prosthetic testicles for the neutered dog or cat…..

neuticles

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE!

Seriously? Who in their right mind would do this?  What happened? You woke up one morning and said ‘Man I wish I didn’t take my dogs balls, I’m gonna invent some fake ones for him.’

Because dogs have self esteem issues when they lose parts of their body, according to the website:

  • Neuticles allows your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with altering. With Neuticles®-“It’s like nothing ever changed”sm 
  • As Natural As Nature Intended… 
    The texture and firmness of NeuticlesNatural were crafted based on the firmness of actual animal testicles. 
 

Ok, let’s pretend for a second that this is legit and dogs really do miss their dangly bits… Of course we want to be humane to our  animals and keep their natural look while being responsible owners. This is important for our best friends right? I can almost see the merit, almost… but then I saw this and I just couldn’t anymore.

And for all you weirdos…. here’s the procedure on video. I didn’t even push play… but because it’s the internet and we can always learn more, I will offer it to you. I know, I’m thoughtful like that.

 

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  1. Damn. I’ve heard it all now. While I admit, I felt kinda bad for my first pugster when we lobbed off his two veg, I got over it. And remarkably, so did he. I think people should save the hard earned dollars they’re spending on fake balls and purchase Bruce Jenner a set of real ones.

  2. I had to kick the dog out of the kitchen while I read this in fear that he may want a pair. Hahahaha seriously who thinks of these things and of course the Kardashians would use this for their dog although it might be Bruce who needs them in that house. Too funny!

  3. Lauging… peeing my pants…. breathing….

    Has everyone forgotten what anthropomorphism means? Maybe I feel nipple inadequate and want implants to feel more nourishing. Female dogs have more than two. My self-esteem could use the help.

    Is it too early for wine? *headeverything*

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  4. OMG, are you kidding me?! LOL This was fantastic…and I’ll only have girl dogs from here on out (and so I can call them a bitch without feeling guilty). 🙂

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