American Women Have Tiny Vaginas, Or Want to, According to Manufacturers

Here’s a fact that you might forget but it’s worth noting. If you’re travelling anywhere for more than one week … YOU WILL GET YOUR PERIOD.

So be prepared. Takes some supplies, you don’t have to take enough for the whole course of your monthly but at least enough to get you through a day or two before you need to purchase foreign sanitary supplies, especially if the country is not English speaking. When you go shopping please remember American women have tiny vaginas!

What, you didn’t know this? Well they must because someone in marketing decided to change all the universal sizes. Or maybe they have huge ones and it’s a cover up, I can’t really decide.

Everywhere else in the world a ‘regular’ tampon is regular size, ‘super’ is for heavy flow and ‘super plus’ is for elephant vaginas! Right? This is a well known fact or so I thought.

But in America, in the same way they changed all the clothing sizes, 4 is the new 8, 0 is the new 4,  ‘super plus’ is the same as real world ‘supers’ and american super is real world regular. This is important to remember.
When I first moved to America and began purchasing supplies I couldn’t work it out. I bought regulars and laughed when I opened the box to discover minis, tampons for 13 yo virgins! Good Lord. They wouldn’t even work sideways!
But over the years I’ve adjusted and alway pick up the ‘super plus’ size because super isn’t so super over here.

So now that I’ve explained all this to you. Confused? Try and keep up Ladies, this shit’s important YO!

Let me tell what I did.

While we were travelling, France got to be the lucky location of my period. Perfect, well done body! We’re in Paris, the city of romance for our tenth wedding anniversary (albeit 4 years late) and boom! SURPRISE.

Anyway not to be deterred…. there’s other ways to enjoy each others company, we skun that cat…..

(engage wildest imagination here)


Ok moving on…. I needed to buy the required products, whatever. I made my way to a pharmacy, with Miss Gremlin in tow, and began searching the shelves. I can do this, I don’t need assistance, they’re in easy packaging I’m sure…. looking, looking, not finding, so finally I walk up to the counter and ask. “Parlez-vous Anglais Sil vous Plait?” it’s France, you’ve GOT to try.  Luckily I was met with ‘yes’ and so I asked where the tampons were.
Pointed in the right direction I was excited to see my very own brand preference! Yay J&J for world domination! I scooped up a package of ‘super plus’, paid and went on my way. Miss Gremlin looked a little perplexed and said what did you buy mum? I told her I bought tampons, she got all shy and said ‘Oh, ewww”. I’m still not sure about that reaction. It was an “Oh, ewww” like we were talking about sex, maybe she was confused. Oh well, no need to revisit it, she’ll work it out.

With my purchase tucked neatly in my bag I forgot about it and we spent the best day wandering the Champs Elysee and the Louvre and enjoying all the French food.

Later that evening, when I opened my package, I was taken aback!  What madness was this? These are MASSIVE, I could plug up a Dutch dyke with one of THOSE!

I looked at the packet, super plus, yep that’s right but the size was all off and then it came to me.

This is not America! This is like Australia, I should have bought ‘super’ but I was so used to my revised size ‘super plus’ that I didn’t even think about it.

French tampon

French Super plus tampons


When super plus isn’t super plus or is it?

US super plus

US super plus tampons

So be warned Ladies…. manufacturers are trying to give you a complex about your vaginal size. Check the package carefully.

Is this not confusing? You be the judge…..


Comments 33

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  1. I had no idea that super meant anything other than heavy flow. This was hilarious! But like someone else said imagine the poor virgin teenager that gets her first period overseas – pick the wrong size and she might not count herself as a virgin anymore!

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