Here’s a fact that you might forget but it’s worth noting. If you’re travelling anywhere for more than one week … YOU WILL GET YOUR PERIOD.
So be prepared. Takes some supplies, you don’t have to take enough for the whole course of your monthly but at least enough to get you through a day or two before you need to purchase foreign sanitary supplies, especially if the country is not English speaking. When you go shopping please remember American women have tiny vaginas!
What, you didn’t know this? Well they must because someone in marketing decided to change all the universal sizes. Or maybe they have huge ones and it’s a cover up, I can’t really decide.
Everywhere else in the world a ‘regular’ tampon is regular size, ‘super’ is for heavy flow and ‘super plus’ is for elephant vaginas! Right? This is a well known fact or so I thought.
But in America, in the same way they changed all the clothing sizes, 4 is the new 8, 0 is the new 4, ‘super plus’ is the same as real world ‘supers’ and american super is real world regular. This is important to remember.
When I first moved to America and began purchasing supplies I couldn’t work it out. I bought regulars and laughed when I opened the box to discover minis, tampons for 13 yo virgins! Good Lord. They wouldn’t even work sideways!
But over the years I’ve adjusted and alway pick up the ‘super plus’ size because super isn’t so super over here.
So now that I’ve explained all this to you. Confused? Try and keep up Ladies, this shit’s important YO!
Let me tell what I did.
While we were travelling, France got to be the lucky location of my period. Perfect, well done body! We’re in Paris, the city of romance for our tenth wedding anniversary (albeit 4 years late) and boom! SURPRISE.
Anyway not to be deterred…. there’s other ways to enjoy each others company, we skun that cat…..
(engage wildest imagination here)
cigarette??
Ok moving on…. I needed to buy the required products, whatever. I made my way to a pharmacy, with Miss Gremlin in tow, and began searching the shelves. I can do this, I don’t need assistance, they’re in easy packaging I’m sure…. looking, looking, not finding, so finally I walk up to the counter and ask. “Parlez-vous Anglais Sil vous Plait?” it’s France, you’ve GOT to try. Luckily I was met with ‘yes’ and so I asked where the tampons were.
Pointed in the right direction I was excited to see my very own brand preference! Yay J&J for world domination! I scooped up a package of ‘super plus’, paid and went on my way. Miss Gremlin looked a little perplexed and said what did you buy mum? I told her I bought tampons, she got all shy and said ‘Oh, ewww”. I’m still not sure about that reaction. It was an “Oh, ewww” like we were talking about sex, maybe she was confused. Oh well, no need to revisit it, she’ll work it out.
With my purchase tucked neatly in my bag I forgot about it and we spent the best day wandering the Champs Elysee and the Louvre and enjoying all the French food.
Later that evening, when I opened my package, I was taken aback! What madness was this? These are MASSIVE, I could plug up a Dutch dyke with one of THOSE!
I looked at the packet, super plus, yep that’s right but the size was all off and then it came to me.
This is not America! This is like Australia, I should have bought ‘super’ but I was so used to my revised size ‘super plus’ that I didn’t even think about it.
So be warned Ladies…. manufacturers are trying to give you a complex about your vaginal size. Check the package carefully.
Is this not confusing? You be the judge…..
Comments 33
I simply cannot imagine. Why do we make everything so much work?
My brain hurts.
Author
I do not know! But it’s funny…
OMFG!!! That is hilarious! I hate the whole, “size doesn’t matter” thing. By the way, if Americans have smaller vaginas, what does that say about our men??? No? Never mind. I spit my soup when I read the bit about you first moving to the US and the supers wouldn’t even work sideways!
Author
What can I see, I was dumbfounded that the sizes would be different, it was one of many ‘what the fuck’ moments
That comment made me laugh out loud as well. And have to explain what I was laughing about to my husband. Who said “What the fuck is wrong with you.” So…thanks for that imagery. xoxox
Author
Well he’s just boring! We both know there’s nothing wrong with either of us!There was that one time…. OH wait… shhh, nevermind
Holy moly! I had no idea sizes differed from country-to-country. This is news! I suppose it would be too easy for Planet Earth to get its collective shit together and make the sizes universal. You know what the say, though: It’s a man’s world, after all! Cuz if men had to menstruate, you know sure as hell the problem would have been solved decades ago. The big babies!!!
Author
This is true… I know that Europe and Australia align, my research will continue and I’ll report back.
DUDE. Good to know. And yet another reason why…
Author
Oh come on! DOn’t let a little tampon sizing scare you from travelling!
In Canada, a super-plus is damn well a super-plus. None of this namby-pamby downsizing.
Oh, and in our family, we refer to those suckas as “hand grenades.” I’m sure you see the resemblance. 🙂
omg I need the French ones! As someone who has battled with fibroids, I am seriously thinking about trying to get my hands on a monthly supply. American super plus don’t make it 2 hours at my heaviest time.
Author
So apparently you’ll want to try ‘ultra’…
Super plus, eh? Bring it!!
Canada’s all about the loosey gooseys ;p
I straight up snorted reading this. And maybe hiccuped. THAT was freaking funny.
Author
Well that’s great or unfortunate or something…Happy to make you laugh though
I believe this holds true for other things that can go up a whawhowho. Americans are small.
It’s my biggest fear to get my period while on vacation! I usually count and somehow cheat my way out of it. (Luckily a tiny pill can help you with that). But OMG that super plus is actually terrifying! I mean, I know there are bigger things out there that go… anyway… ya that’s huge.
Author
They have them here but they’re called Ultra…
And yes I remember using that little pill to alter my cycle but alas Im old and have no need for birth control and so…. I get to research for y’all
OMG! That is hilarious and twisted and awful all at the same time! Thanks for the traveling advice – I honestly had not idea!
Author
I do what I can for my peeps!
Holy moly, those things are huge. I dunno what I would do without the fancy applicators that we have in America.