I had to go and open my big mouth on Twitter didn’t I! 
Seriously, some days it’s just better to shut your mouth. Of course, I didn’t because why would I? That wouldn’t be any fun at all. Nooooooo, Twitter is for fun and being inappropriate and saying whatever you want. Right?! Please tell me you’re agreeing right now.
Now I’ve put my foot right in it. I’m all blah blah, glitter and baby oil… all over the place…and they’re like, you have to tell it and I’m like, hmmm, well…should I?
And then …somebody always mentions ‘band camp’, all stories are ok until someone says ‘band camp’…
So now I have to decide if I’m gonna let it go or tell the story from my deep, dark past, where it should stay because, well because as Rafiki said, and who doesn’t trust a talking baboon with a shaky stick, Not me! I trust whatever he says… the past is the past…
Keep the past in the past? Apparently not!
And so to answer Lucy’s question… The best way I can…
It was long ago and it was far away…we were on the road…like ‘band camp’ but for grown ups and somehow, I’m not saying how, to protect the innocent , there was a hotel room and in that hotel room there was a bag and in that bag there was stolen glitter.
Stolen glitter you say? Who steals glitter? Again, being in the past, I must refrain, however packed in that bag with the stolen glitter was legally purchased baby oil. Baby oil, for those of you younger than the moon, was the sunscreen of choice for all good 80’s sunbakers and this theory lived on into their adulthood.
But those poor sun worshippers could no long lay out in the sun, for fear of rebuke from the suntan nazis and so like all good 80’s children, they took their baby oil to bed.
A bed, in a hotel room, on the road, like ‘band camp’…An idea was hatched and plan was set and that baby oil was used.
But the glitter you see, felt left out, lonely, so it popped out of the bag to see what was going on. And that glitter was shocked, cos the baby oil rocked and he wanted to be in that action.
Ever so slowly and timidly, the glitter joined the fun and before they all knew it, the damage was done. The glitter exploded in too much excitement and stuck to the baby oil everywhere!
Laughter insued, well, what else could they do? T’was a hotel room for fairies to come…..
And that my dear friends, brings my story to an end, of the original vajazzled vajajay.
Comments 30
I wanna know how many days it was before you finally got it all washed off??
Author
For months we were finding it in our hair…. on our scalps 🙂
You really don’t know how hard it is not to say something like, “And at band camp, there was glitter all over the flute.” Sorry, I usually restrain myself, but I just couldn’t resist. I will restrain about a fairly common tale about the moon, the stars, and poison oak. Yet, to recall reminds one of how embarrassing scratching can sometimes be. Great post!
Author
Hmm.. I can only imagine 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.
LOL I had to read this before approving it from my Triberr feed. I’m sure you understand! And thanks for the chuckle!!!
Author
Well of course! I understand we must check these things 🙂
Well. THAT could be a new As Seen On TV product. The Vajazzler! Don’t just glitter it…Va-JAZZ-le it! Right? Can you get on that? lmao! You couldn’t make up something like that if you tried!
Author
I’m on it! There’s a blizzard I have nothing else to do.
I.Love.You.
There is really nothing else I can say about this.
I just love you so much.
Author
(bows and leaves the room)
Bahaha! In our hair..on our scalps. I’m giggling over here, and totally horrified by the mess that had to be. I mean, dry glitter is bad enough.
Author
Hotel room, didn’t care 🙂 We were badass!
That post is all kinds of awesome!
Glitter is definitely the enemy – and I say absolutely YES to being inappropriate and “no filter” on Twitter.
Well, from one who slathered her body in Baby Oil pink from a drop of iodine — I can certainly see how that could happen. In fact it happened to me.
Okay. That was a fib. Enjoyed your retelling of the sorted deed. 🙂
Oh man…I miss being able to talk about tanning in public. I’m pretty sure I will have to try this whole baby oil and glitter thing out sometime soon. In April, at my wedding, we will be in a hotel room. Pretty sure this will have to happen. Glitter is awesome! Power to the vaginas!
Girl in the 80’s you’re lucky it was baby oil and not Dep hair gel. And for the record, my red-head, lily white self used CRISCO to “tan”! Because I was brilliant like that. Thanks for the #iPPP!
You could have sprayed another 80’s staple, Sun-In, down there and really have a party! Too funny.
Oh good lord. I HATE glitter!!!! really I do. I don’t let it into my house. If you send me a card with it on the front I through that card immediately away. But this story? Hilarious. And now I’m thinking about sparkling vaginas. Thanks tons.
Author
I do what I can 😛 Thanks for dropping by!