Hookers-The King does this Stuff so your Husband doesn’t have To.

After the second week away, the King flew into JFK 5 hours late due to the torrential rain we had Friday. What is it with us and bad fucking flying weather. Anyway, he forgot his keys, which means I get to receive a lovely early morning phone call to open the building door and then hobble down to open the door. Yay! I love it when that happens, ok I’m lying. So I just left the keys outside in the air conditioner control.
( Shhh forget that, if you decide to break in and murderate us) So all I had to do was answer the phone, which rang at 2 am, now I’m not sure how you react when you’re dead asleep and the phone rings but I have difficulty functioning properly and often take a long time to register what’s even going on. So when he called the second time, I was almost coherent enough to dial the number to let him in.

He was greeted at the door by Sir Lickalot and then came up stairs, stripped and stumbled into bed.

He was sick!

WTF!

Great, just what we need, I’m recovering from bronchitis and toe surgery and he comes home sick from sleeping with air conditioning blowing on him all night. Sleep returned very slowly due to the snuffling and snoring, I might have gotten used to not having another human in the room.

In the morning we caught up on the trip, the wild sex I was planning was shelved because he was sick, and if you think I was gonna let him slobber all over me with that lurgy you’r crazier than I thought! We spooned, you elaborate…

Afterwards he told me about his Vegas part of the trip, it was very successful and they had a good time. One evening as he left the partiers and headed back to the hotel, the hookers were out in force and he was propositioned a lot, I mean how could he not with all that charisma and charm, right?!

I’m never worried about these stories, you may wonder but honestly, if your husband is coming home and telling you what happened then you know nothing did, it’s when they come home and don’t tell you then you have problems…

So walking along trying to grab a cab in the early hours of the morning in Vegas, a car pulled up with 2 lovely young ladies, naturally  he accepted the lift because he’d been waiting for a while for a cab. Now these girls were beautiful!

The King explained they had vagina dresses on, you know the ones, that only just cover their business, and while they were driving one of them was trying the get some action. The King realising what was going on pretty fast, was pushing gropy hands from his crotch from all directions, and then one of the girls lifted her dress and said. “oops my vagina fell out!”

OMG! who even does that? Well obviously a hooker looking for work but yuck…

The King, a little shocked at her forward behaviour but knowing this was not happening said “No we’re not doing this , sorry I just want a lift.”

“Why not?” they said. To which he answered “Because I’m married and I don’t do that.” (Everybody say awww….) One of the girls said to him, “but you should because it keeps your edge….”

Just ewww. No judgements of course but gross! Who even thinks like that?

Finally they arrived at his hotel and they said “Well can you at lease give us some gas money?” which he didn’t have cash for, so he said “No but I can buy you drink at the bar..”

Fortunately the girls declined, saying they weren’t allowed in the bar, which confirmed they were, in fact Hookers, just in case the previous events weren’t clear enough.

 

 

WOW, just wow, since when did hookers start cruising for business?  The world is a changing place my friends.

 

Takeaways from this story?

a) The Hookers in Vegas cruise in cars…

b) I’m very proud of my husband for remaining true to me (not that I was ever worried)

and 3) now he can check off “seeing an African American girl’s vagina” from his bucket list.

If that was on there…you know every one has different bucket lists 🙂

 

And this my friends is why I blog, because these things just happen to us….

Comments 11

  3. HAHA! Too funny! Kudos to your husband. One of these days, remind me to tell you the story of New Orleans, when a co-worker got unbelievably drunk, accepted a ride from “a nice woman” who ended up being a hooker, and a man, and kicked my friend’s ass to the curb when he told “her” that he didn’t have any money. Ok that’s pretty much the whole story.

    PS I might need to change my bucket list because I think I’ve been dreaming too big.

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  6. Oh my. I’m old and curmudgeonly now but the first thing I think when I hear “my vagina fell out” is the mom of the Duggar family, that has “20-something kids and counting.” Just a matter of time.
    I give The King credit for getting a ride from them, and NOT getting a side order of Hep C and/or getting his wallet taken. There was a story going around Chicago years ago about “traffic hookers.” It started with one guy who said a hooker just CAME INTO HIS CAR uninvited (that was the story he told his wife) and somehow she was able to steal his wallet. Out of his pants. Right? Right.
    So anyway, the radio DJ interviewed this guy, and he said he drives through a neighborhood where the hookers come out for the morning and evening rush hours, and sometimes they just open the passenger door and come on in and try to drum up some business for themselves. He said when he spoke to the police about his missing wallet (his side of the story MAY have been true, who knows) they did tell him that’s a really old hooker trick, to steal a wallet, because they know the victim (john) is not going to file a report. That would mean explaining to the police they were with a hooker. Some of these ladies are TRICK-ey.

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