It seems that I have inadvertently added to The King’s alcohol habit. I cannot believe I did this. I have struggled with how much he drinks for many years and now I have aided and abetted him… Good Lord. And you know what else that means right? Yup, Sex all the damn time. Ok let me back track.
The King likes a drink, he’s OCD and ADD so he’s a finisher, because it’s tidy and that’s what you do when there’s half empty bottles of booze in the house. You finish them right?! Let me clarify here I’m not being a whiney asshole of a wife complaining about alcohol consumption..I’m not, well I kinda am but let me explain.
The King, my King likes wine, he enjoys a couple of glasses a night, the doctor said that is actually good for you but that sucker doesn’t know what size our glasses are! Three glasses and the bottle is gone but when the doctor says you should do it then by gosh you better, right?!
He likes the finer things in life, good wine, good food, cigars and cognac on the terrace. I can appreciate that. It has made buying gifts a damn site easier too because let me tell you he is a HARD person to buy for. VERY HARD. Over the years we have managed to get good gifts, usually when the money is flowing, when it’s not then you better be happy with a beer bucket bouquet because hard to buy for is just annoying.
For his 40th birthday we bought him a star, and the kids called it the Daddy Rocks star. It’s in the southern hemisphere, in the ‘Corona Australis’ constellation because, what was I thinking? Beer and Australia, not that we can never fucking see it! DOH!
For a Christmas gift one year, The Princess bought him land in Scotland, an entire square foot, so he can officially call himself a Laird, because we all like to torture ourselves with shit like this. As if he doesn’t insist on being called Laird.
So this Father’s day just gone, Grand Master D and I were perusing Amazon 3 days before (cos we’re so orgamanised) It’s a word ok.. whatever, and we found ‘the rock’. What self respecting cognac drinker doesn’t need a rock from which to dispense his cognac. The cognac which always goes too fast when people visit because The King is also an enabler, Oh he disguises it as being a good host but he’s a total pusher of the booze 🙂 many a fine man has been poured into a cab after an evening on the terrace at Planet Mills. It’s a given really, come here for an evening , leave here legless.
So naturally we buy the rock, because we’re also enablers and need something to complain about and then we figure one must have proper cognac glasses in which to serve this arguably salubrious liquid.
Amazingly it arrived in time and everything! Gotta love Amazon Prime’s 2 day free shipping.
On Father’s day morning as the children served their self made breakfast in bed , the King received his gifts-cigars, cognac glasses, chocolate ipod and ‘the rock’. He was intrigued and went out immediately he was up to purchase some cognac to get it going. Since then it has seen the likes of that first bottle of cognac, and another, and a half empty bottle of scotch and Jack Daniels, another bottle of cognac, some wine because you can’t have an empty rock, vodka and the most recent bottle of Cognac with a bottle of booker’s bourbon on the side should the cognac evaporate… yes apparently that happens.A LOT.
So you can see I have trouble learning from my mistakes and although I am not sure he doesn’t drink too much, I still buy him gifts to enable him to do so and then just for the fun, tell him he drinks too much…and my reward for such silliness?
Late night drunken cognac sex. I’m an awesome wife.
I totally do this too! I keep buying Hubbs beer kits despite the fact that he has to cook that nasty smelling stuff IN THE HOUSE, ferment it in my poor, poor, pantry (also a LOVELY smell), and then spend hours bottling it and basically rendering my kitchen unusable. The problem is, it just makes him so damn happy….
AND then you get to have drunken home brew sex don’t you? We’re so awesome!
Sadly, yes. Except not for the next few months as I am due in November… Stoopid delicious hops…..
clearly what got you knocked up in the first place!
For the THIRD time… *hangs head shamefully*
slow learner huh 🙂
Yeah… 😉 But it maybe all the brain damage for alcohol consumption….
Oh, you make me laugh and you’d piss yourself laughing if you came over to my house. We are the polar opposite. We never drink. We have good bottles of vintage wine – only vintage because it’s stayed in the wine rack since the day someone gifted it to us and has aged a few decades due to our our complete disinterest. Tonight we opened a bottle of 2008 Merlot and poured two glasses. After dinner, I emptied the two full glasses of wine down the drain (okay, I had a sip first and THEN lost interest), followed by the rest of the bottle. Then I made a cup of tea.
Wanna buy me a present? I’m a chocolate girl. ;p
Also, I’m a cheap date – one glass and I’m tap dancing on tables. (Egads – autocorrect changed that to LAP dancing. That wouldn’t have been awkward at ALL.)
Ok… pack that shit up and send it over here right now! Don’t you know it’s against the laws of life to pour wine down the sink? And old wine too! Good God woman, I’m not sure we can be friends any longer…
Oh alright then….but don’t do it again.
I’m sort of jealous of The King now…
I’m with ya – I bought Dr. Evil a bottle of gin and a mini constant key for the fridge…then complain about him getting to drink and me having to be the responsible one all the time!!! Bahwhahahahahahaha! Love it! And so buying Dr. Evil land overseas…how cool would that be …he’d be Laird of the Lair…in his mind anyways….
My husband would say that he is the enabler 🙂
That rock is actually really cool! If I had a bar I would have it! Awesome for drunken booze sex!