Just before Miss Gremlin was ready to arrive, we knew we were probably finished having children. We had a boy and a girl as well as the Princess and we were
The King and his cigars
pretty happy with that. After Miss Gremlin was born we were totally convinced. She was huge, 10lbs born. My poor body said Ok seriously? You can’t possibly make me do that again. It was a rough pregnancy from the first. I threw up so much that the King wasn’t even fazed anymore. I threw up in the morning, in the evening and late at night. Even on the morning she was born. I could hardly walk in the end. I had to wear a hip brace, I was in constant pain.
So deciding we were done in that department was easy. The deal was this, if I needed a caesarian then I would have my tubes tied at the same time. If I didn’t, and I didn’t, then the King was off to the vet 🙂 .
We decided to wait until she was born just to make sure everything was ok, it was a close call but that’s another story. So I made the appointment for him, thinking that because I would be out of action for a bit, he might as well be too. That way we could heal together and then get on with life.
Of course I gave him the choice of full anaesthetic or local, he opted for local and just went to the family planning clinic for his procedure rather than the hospital cos he’s tough like that.
He describes the procedure as follows:
The most intimate experience I’ve ever had with a man. We talked wine and music while we both stared at my testicles. Then, without due warning he whipped out the little tube, which was a bit of a surprise because my nuts were numb from the anaesthetic and it was all moving very fast. He then handed me the surgical scissors and let me cut it. An experience similar to having the pilot let you fly the plane except this was more like cutting my own testicles with scissors. We thought this was better than him chewing through it though. That would have just been weird. I then went home and mowed 2 acres of lawn on the ride on mower. A mistake in hindsight. But all in all it was a memorable interlude, as all interludes that find you without pants, should be . ……. The King ÂWhen it was time to take the stitches out, not being a family to rush for medical attention short of dire emergency, my skills with small scissors came in handy. A snip here, a tug there….. all fixed.
For those of you who’ve had this procedure, you know what’s next. To those who haven’t let’s just say tests must be done to make sure it worked. Yes the King asked the question and no saliva doesn’t affect the specimen 🙂 but you must keep it warm.
One small suggestion…. don’t speed, explaining that to highway patrol would just be weird.
Comments 6
Wait wait wait, he’s kidding, right?!
Author
nope! He speaks the truth 🙂
They really let him cut himself???
Author
It was quite the experience for him.
Ho-lee Hilarious. My darling had his delicate procedure done on our anniversary (I was ticked I didn’t get to watch since he had the pleasure of seeing me birth two children (well, not so much see as suffer trauma from being held in a head lock and screamed at)) and for my birthday had it’s success confirmed.
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