Deck The Halls

Now you know how we hunt our trees, I suppose I should share how we decorate too.

It’s a little contentious because I’m all just hang the decorations and the King is all let’s plan the look because he’s OCD and the kids just wanna get it up and pretty. I stayed right out of it and let them all make Alan the sidewalk Christmas tree beautiful.

Isn’t he just wonderful? He sure is but he wasn’t quite perfect so the King went on the hunt for tinsel… Last year we had that for the first time because I saw it on all the beautiful movie trees and decided we needed that shit in our lives…. WHAT A MISTAKE, stay away from the tinsel people! It’s sticky and you find that shit for months after, MONTHS! But not to crush anyone’s Christmas spirit I just watched as he walked out the door to get the tinsel. As luck would have it there wasn’t any left. There’s a Christmas miracle for ya! But the miracle was short lived because in place of the tinsel, the King found fake snow! Fake snow, unlike the real stuff never goes away. It’s shaved plastic and it goes everywhere! I’ve vacuumed 3 times and it’s still all over the floor. Oh well… ’tis but once a year. However not to be satisfied with just snow, the King also managed to find a 5′ animated talking Santa, yep the stuff of nightmares!

The kids were over the moon excited! And couldn’t wait to get him put together, me? Well I just watched this horror show play out wondering where the hell this dude was gonna stand for the next 10 days… But then, as if by divine intervention something was a miss. He wasn’t working… They changed the batteries, nothing, they fiddled with the switch, nada. Santa, in all his 5′ talking glory was kaput! Phew.. dodged that holiday freak out.

But this man is nothing if not persistent and headed back out to return his 5′ animated, motion sensor talking Santa. I knew he wouldn’t return with a replacement because ours was the last one in the store. I was feeling safe and happy in our finished product of tree and roof reindeer and sleigh when he walks back in like a hunter triumphant from the hunt!

What did he find? Something even more terrifying than a 5′ animated, motion sensor, talking Santa?

Yep, you guessed it… An 8′ inflatable Santa, cos nothing says Christmas like a Santa strapped to your roof. Even in NYC.