Before Day One Even Begins!

Because we are who we are, leaving the country isn’t done at all the way normal people do it, I can assure you. We are so far from normal that sometimes its hard to see where normal even exists!
Yesterday, we decided that we needed to do all the repairs…. Well when I say we, I mean the royal we and we all know were not talking about good old Liz!
So Sunday morning saw me eating pizza and drinking coffee in the bathroom while grouting around the new jet flush wash your arse toilet…. While I was there I had some re gluing of the stone floor. It was a good 2 hours crawling around the bathroom floor and toilet bowl. While I was doing that the king was moving the air curtain tithe outside to see if it actually worked because so far it had proven to be nothing but a noisy installation which flies were laughing at.
Of course when you remove an appliance form the wall there are holes, and when it’s an appliance installed by the king there a lots of holes and big ones! So my second job of the day was patching the holes, sanding them and painting.
It was such a busy day we forgot to eat, well except for Miss Gremlin, she chose to catch up on her gummy vits and because she hadn’t had them for a while she thought she should finish off the bottle. I discovered it about an hour later, curious as to why there were 2 empty gummy vits bottle in the trash when I knew they had plenty left I began to quiz. She fessed up straight away and that’s when panic set in. OMG how many had she taken, and it wasn’t one bottle but two! Is it dangerous? Should I be worried? Is this a stomach pumping kind of thing? Were supposed to be going to Europe .. So I did what all good parents do in this situation, I googled it and google came back wimped reports but yes it was a problem. My next step was to call the poisons information centre, who were very helpful and talked me through it and asked me plenty of questions and checked the brands and ingredients. She decided that because there was no iron and the fact that Miss Gremlin is 9 and of a sturdy stature that it would probably be ok and she would most likely just have a stomach ache and some diahorea. We could live with that. She’s been like that for weeks anyway!

Crisis averted! Knowing she was ok, we enjoyed a nice steak grilled on the terrace and relaxed with a beer after a busy home renovation day. This morning, although certain she was fine, I still went in to check she was breathing…. Because you that’s what you do right?
We got on Witt he business of packing and finishing laundry and last minute thing, the regular kind…. When the princess calls to say she’s been in a car accident… WTF! This, people, this is why I never take cabs! Someone else is not good enough to have my life in their hands. I’d rather ride the subway… And to top it all off it was the cab drivers fault AND he was on the phone… He wouldn’t let the princess go because he wanted a witness to say the other guy merged incorrectly and that they were in his blind spot. The princess stayed for about 45 minutes and nobody came so she decided screw you you need I let me go. If you don’t I will tell the cops you were not the phone and that automatically makes it your fault. After some arguing she left and went home to continue packing for our trip.

We are so ridiculous! Luckily she wasn’t hurt, just a mild bump on the head.
They say things come in threes but as we’re flying over water at 30,000 ft for the next 5 hours I’m going to completely ignore Murphy’s law and just trust we touchdown safely in Dublin….
Thee will more tales because it’s us and our life is a fucking saga and a reality tv show. You just can’t make this shit up.

Disclaimer: I typed this on my ipad wihtout glasses, squished in the plane so Im totally doing the ‘these are not the spelling mistakes you’re looking for’ wave.