This morning I had an interesting conversation with Grand Master D. I’ve been wanting to have it for a while now but there’s never a ‘right’ time to bring it up. It’s not like it’s dinner conversation, you know … how was school and oh yeah don’t rape girls. So I always find myself wanting to discuss limits and respect and all the things a boy should know but never finding the right time. Well it just presented itself today.We were discussing our nights sleep over breakfast, he was not grumpy and got up early, so it was a nice conversation time. I mentioned that the King watched The Wolf of Wall Street in bed last night and I had a disturbed sleep. It’s a sunday night thing, he can’t let the weekend go and always stays up late even though I need to get up early, it’s a thing, whatever. Grand Master D knows he can’t watch The Wolf of Wall St… dubbed the closed thing to porn that’s not porn to come out this year. He watches R rated movies, he’s a movie maker, he looks at them differently. He’s seen many, I only object when they are graphic sexually. He’s 13, just learning about sex and let’s face it movie sex can be violent and misogynistic and very bad for women. Women are objectified way too much, used and abused and thrown away. Some movie sex is wonderful but that seems to be fading. None of it is real, it’s not what sex is about. It’s not how most of the world is doing it. It’s also not the image I want my son to have imprinted in his brain before he experiences it for himself. He needs to learn that it’s give and take, that it must always be consensual and if there is ever any doubt then you don’t. We’ll talk more about that later when he goes to college or begins to go out in the world more. No always means no, even if you feel like yes. If anyone says no at any time then it’s game over. Alcohol will play a part in these decisions and I briefly mentioned this too. I told him that sometimes girls will have too much to drink and want to have sex and give all the signals and then they realise that it’s not in their best interests and they’ll say no mid-foreplay. It happens. It’s uncomfortable, it sucks when its all hot and heavy and then someone slams on the brakes but you must. I told him, innocent boys get accused of rape because sometimes girls have sex then feel ashamed or get found out by a parent and accuse the boy and then his life is ruined. Or girls are so incapacitated by drugs or alcohol they have no idea what’s happening and they do get raped. There is no excuse for this. If a girl can’t stand up then she can’t consent to sex. End of story.
It’s been in the news a lot with high school and college kids, some high profile ones too. It’s a hard time but it’s very important to be extra careful. We should be teaching our boys how to honour women, how to respect them, not take advantage of them just to get sex but we also need to teach our girls how to behave safely, how to not go looking for trouble or give off the wrong signal which can lead to bad situations for all involved. Crying rape because you wished you hadn’t got smashed and had sex with a guy is not ok. Raping a girl because she was too drunk to stop it is also not ok. We need to teach both genders how to stay safe and respect each other and themselves.
It’s sure going to be an interesting few years with a teenage son and a daughter coming up behind him.
Can you be a liberal prude? Is that a thing? Can you be open and honest about all things but still wish sex wasn’t in our faces ALL the time, at every turn tempting our young people before they’re ready? It’s something I’m certainly about to discover. What I wish for all my children is safe, happy, healthy sexual encounters and relationships. They’ll make mistakes but hopefully, mistakes that do not have long lasting ramifications on their lives.