Why We Should Teach Our Sons to Sew: When Women Raise Boys-Guest Post

I’d like to introduce a new friend today, Fiona from Coffee is Black. She writes about all sorts of crazy life stuff and was just starting to enjoy posting to the Hump Day Hook Up when I shut it down, so I wanted to share her work with you. Please enjoy and go over and take a look at her other work at Coffee is Black.

I have two younger brothers, both of the handsome persuasion, but on significantly different ends of the scale.  We fondly refer to S as a “big blond buffoon,” whereas M has been “our little coffee bean” since he was a little dweeb.  S is 8 years older than M, and thus significantly closer to his three older sisters in age.  Of course, this means that we take 100% credit for the man he is today!

S grew up tagging along behind his three sisters as we donned princess dresses, failed at T-ball, made secret clubhouses in the woods, and learned to sew. My older sister L and I were deeply interested in things that we could create with our hands, and the wonders of sewing machines opened up a whole new world of purses, skirts, and names stitched into things (we weren’t advanced sewers, ok?).  A family friend began coming to our house weekly to instruct us in the craft.  Slowly, we learned a little more of the ancient art of making things from cloth, though we required all the modern machinery to do so.  Our tomboy sister C wanted nothing to do with the whole process, but lo and behold, young S found the sewing spiel as fascinating as we did.   S soon became a staple in our sewing lessons.  Before long, he was as adept at sewing as a five-year-old can be with the best sewing machine that sends a very sharp needle flying at high speeds at the tap of a foot pedal.

The sewing lessons were hardly an isolated example of S’s absolute confidence in ignoring gender roles.  During dinner one night, my sisters and I became engrossed in a discussion about famous feminists.  S suddenly burst into tears and sobbed, “I want to be a girl too!”

“Why?” We asked, puzzled.

He told us through his tears, “I want to be a feminist!”  Once we had assured him that men could be wonderful feminists, he became secure in his gender identity once more, now happily tacking on a “feminist” label.  S contentedly returned to his pile of pots, pans and spatulas, which he was assembling into a “kitchen warrior” suit of armor.

As S grew and spent time with male friends his own age, he acquired some interest in more boy-leaning activities such as sword fights, violent card games and later, basketball.  When I turned around one day, S was suddenly man-sized, and he was rather handsomely man-sized.  His female peers certainly noticed.

My sisters and I all rolled our eyes, convinced that S was now going to take the route boys of a certain age inevitably end up taking.  He was headed for jerk territory with his pedal to the medal.  He would become gruff and scornful of “female” pursuits.  So long S-baked cookies!

We should have known that we raised him up better than that!  Despite looking like the kind of guy who could get too big for his britches, S continues to be confident in his interests, basketball and cooking alike.  As the years passed, girls continued to flit around him.  We sisters have watched him with eagle-eyes, waiting for a slip-up.  However, I concede that S never caves under pressure.  When teenage girls are at their teenage-girl-ist, S is sensitive, respectful, and understanding.  He continues to ask us for advice.  Wise man!  He plans romantic surprises based on a girl’s interests, not clichés.  He wears purple shirts when he feels like it.  He goes stag to prom so as not to cause drama among friends.  And he always, always asks his sisters for advice.  S is proof that boys who learn to sew make the best boyfriends.

Future son, watch out!

Fiona is a redhead who likes to write about challenging topics, like white privilege and being disabled in an able bodied world. In college, she couldn’t choose just one academic discipline, so she got a BA in Global Interdisciplinary Studies from Villanova University. She drinks coffee and dances to crazy Latin Music while attempting to look glamorous. She and her Haitian-Dominican fiancé are applying for a shiny US visa and hope to be together in the US soon.

You can find her on facebook and twitter or at her blog: Coffee is Black