We’ve headed into new territory with the kid raising thing. How do you teach work ethic and how do you teach them to complete a given task. We’ve been having trouble with Grand Master D for a long time. He doesn’t finish anything, and I mean anything! But I’m lost at how to teach them how to do it rather than being on their case. I need to give their monkeys back. It’s not my responsibility to remember to hang the towel back up, or to clean up the sink after you clean out the juicer but it’s something I find myself doing all the time, calling him back. Reminding him to complete the task.
It got him in trouble at school. He just didn’t finish stuff or follow up, no matter how much I punished or reminded or yelled. It was my frustration not his. So now I’m back to square 1, back to the training phase and yet I have no idea how to do it.
When they were little I dove into the parenting books, found solutions to the problems and tweaked behaviours along the way. But back then I had a different circle of friends, I had friends with older children, friends who’d been through this phase. They were able to point me in the right direction.
Now I’m the one with the older children, I’m the one leading the way, sourcing the material to get the kids to do what’s required. I second guess myself all the time. I don’t really know how to get him to do what he needs to do. It’s a difficult age because you need to give them room to grow, they’re not babies but you still have to monitor how they’re going without doing it for them.
Kids need to learn skills, they need to know how to survive and function as members of society and they don’t learn that by us hovering over them and doing everything for them. The danger to just do it because it’s easier or it gets done right is very tempting but that doesn’t teach them how to get along without us and isn’t that our job?
At this point of the journey, I believe parenting is teaching our children how not to need us. And if they don’t need us then we’ve done it right because they can stand on their own and do it for themselves.
We’ve switched from raising children to guiding then to functional adulthood.
I’m still working on that part … but aren’t we all?