Here you are! I knew the title would get you. Sex sells, we all know that. Well stick around, you’ll get your 3 minutes worth but first things first.
This is NOT the first time I’ve said this and it sure as hell won’t be the last…. “My life’s NOT NORMAL”. At dinner on tuesday night The King mentions quietly that he’s thinking about getting a piano.
“Sounds fine to me” I muse, “Where will we put it though?”
Because while we have 2000 sq feet, we seem to have filled every usable space and I can’t think of a spot for an upright piano to go. Mulling this over in my mind as I do, I have about 45 seconds before The king adds, “well I guess we’ll find out tomorrow!”
Me: “Good Lord? WTF? You bought a piano?”
The King: “No, I acquired one.”
Me: “Oh ok cool.” See what I did there? Nery a feather ruffled….
Because that always goes well. The shit this man has ‘acquired’ over the years would make your head spin. There’s always an ‘opportunity’ presenting itself somewhere. Once we went out to dinner in one car and drove home in two, don’t ask…..never ask 🙂
As luck would have it I was out while the delivery took place and I arrived to a cute little piano, very non intrusive against the wall. Some furniture was shuffled but nothing you’ll trip over and hurt yourself in the night without the lights.
The week progressed and the little piano sat there untouched by the wall. Then Saturday arrived and there were piano parts flying around the house like a whirlwind! The vacuum was out, the kids were fascinated and the King was fashioning tools out of wooden takeout chopsticks!
As I watched the frenzy and the kids fascination, I was transported back in time to another life, one where the King tuned and restored pianos while I patiently waited and waited. Do you KNOW how long it takes to bring a piano up to pitch? Have you heard it being done? An hour, if you’re lucky, that’s a good solid hour of do-dong, do-dong is several octaves, back and forth from low to high AT LEAST TWICE. And more hours of patient waiting I shall ever get back than I care to recall.
And so it began in our house, after some cleaning and regulating, the tuning process began. The children were hushed to their room, the dishwasher and washer were banished to silence and don’t even think about making that noise! A piano tuner needs silence, concentration is key (pun intended) even the dog was shushed for walking across the floor, and so, knowing exactly how long this torture would take, I took myself for a walk and the dog joined me. 
I arrived back in time to the playing of ‘Love Story’, the King’s tuning song, my saviour, the signal all is over and we can pack up and leave. Nice timing I thought, but I congratulated myself prematurely because round 2 was just beginning.
*Sigh*, headphones and facebook only work for so long, and so out to the terrace and sunshine, I went.
Once it was all complete, it was time to polish and put back together, child labour is great for this kind of stuff especially when it’s a novelty. Miss Gremlin spent the best part of another hour polishing the wood and shining the pedals and knobs…
After all these years, once again, we have a piano.
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When the Victoria Secret catalogue hits our house you know the wallet is in trouble.It’s a battle though to see who gets to peruse it first! I love that stuff but try my best to refrain from buying the store. I try to limit myself to 2 good splurges a year but when you get a request, then by gosh you better seize that opportunity! I got such a request. Oh be still my beating heart. With coffee in hand, I began my online shopping experience. You have 5 items in your shopping bag, checkout? or continue shopping….. UMMMMM. I wanted a specific thing, but online was not letting me purchase it, so I used the live chat thing, don’t you just love those? I do, it’s fun to actually get help while not ever leaving home … anyway, the online lady was very helpful but informed me that piece was no longer available! GAH That was the entire reason I even started this spending spree… Oh well, I guess I ‘ll check out now. But now I have a dilemma, all this new stuff but not the requested item, so what does a good wife do? Well this one wakes up sunday morning and walks herself to the nearest VS to see if it’s available in store!
Bingo! I found the item I was looking for but funded another small village in the process. You try going into a store and buying JUST ONE THING! Oh well it’s all for a good cause, how can he be mad if it’s goodies for the boudoir right?… I’ll let you know when the statement arrives. I could be on nightly duty to pay it off!
However the first 3 minute test run did go very well! I may yet get away with it! (told you there’d be sex) 🙂
With the deed done, we promptly fell asleep only to be woken from our slumber by an almighty BOOM! AGAIN! It happened the night before too! Sounding like a bomb went off on Saturday night we let the neighbourhood take care of it. I spent all day googling it looking for the news story. I found nothing but when it happened again last night? Fuck it, we 911’ed this time. No idea what was going on. No pretty display of fireworks, it was way too loud for that!
After about 10 minutes on with the operator, then the fire department I was informed that it actually was fireworks and the authorities were on it.
Assholes!
It’s the middle of the night and they detonate these things! Car alarms and building alarms going off everywhere? I can only imagine the terror in apartments!
I hope they blew their fucking fingers off….. kidding, maybe!
So how was your weekend? Do anything fun or interesting?
Comments 22
I freaking hate those on line helpers.
Author
That’s it? I pour my heart out, admit to kinky clothing and sex? And you hate those online helpers? Tough crowd shitzy, tough crowd!
If this is a dup, sorry – got an error so not sure if it’s waiting moderation or something. Anyway! Your weekend was way more eventful than mine was. I had no piano tuning or playing, no sex, no Victorias Secret, no middle-of-the night fireworks…in fact, I’d go so far as to say that my weekend was downright boring compared to yours!
Author
I’ll take boring, sometimes it gets too much…..Now Im playing sleep catch up!
Ha! My “fun” this weekend was hosting 20+ kids for a 4th birthday party. Thankfully, it was NOT at my house, nor did I pay through the nose the allow apathetic teenagers to slink around and throw mediocre food at us.
No. He wanted a swim party, and, well, we go to Nana’s house to swim! Thank Maude they have a huge pool and yard, or we’d have been up that creek. Again.
Author
OH YEAH that’s the kind of fun I can do without. 🙂 But I’m glad Nana could help out!
I would love to have a piano. Desi plays. And if you think listening to piano tuning is fun, try listening to someone tuning and electric guitar. It sounds a lot like a dying cat on crack.
Author
yes… much like a violin
I think I want a piano 🙂 With three kiddos I\’m not so sure….Thanks for linking up with us via the Mommy Monday Blog Hop
XOXO
I love this post! It rocks! I ‘acquired’ a piano too….still don’t know how to play it….
Author
You would be amazed at the things we ‘acquire’ in this house 🙂
I’m trying not to picture you in a sequin-covered nightgown (I’m assuming that was the request) laying atop the piano singing like Jessica Rabbit.
I would assume the fireworks were the universe’s (or spying neighbors’) reaction to your 3 minutes of magic! *nyuk nyuk*
Good on you, playing it cool with the piano. I would have been like, Ummm, yeah, no 😉
Online shopping is the devil, and he has me in his clutches.
Author
Oh I’ve had way worse things turn up! I try to keep the the yeah um no’s for those special occasions.
That is wise 😉
Author
Oh gurlfriend… YOU HAVE NO IDEA!
A piano! Just in time for Holiday crooning. Online shopping is dangerous. And I love it. But I hate it when the statement arrives.
Author
Yeah he’s taken to playing himself out the door! *eyeroll*
Well, after that piano tuning and rolling so well with the punches, you deserved to fund a small village.
The Counting Mutant does that very thing. All. The. Time!
The biggest one was when we were working in the garden. I was almost pregnant or a month or so in with GirlyK. As we are pruning the roses and the boys are hacking away at trees with camping shovels in the back yard he says, “I just thought you should know. I bought my brother’s boat.”
We did not live ANYWHERE near a lake.
Author
Men are funny! And by funny I mean stinkers…
I keep turning down pianos because we don’t have room. But maybe I’ll make room for one now. You’ve inspired me. And you’ve also inspired me to get my “free” shopping spree–I forgot how effective it is to let the husband pick one item at VS… Thanks for the hook-up!
Author
Thanks for being my Hooker, now get that VS and be your own Hooker… at home with hubs of course cos I’d never advocating hooking…Ok I’ll just stop now.