Julie Deneen recently wrote a post about being a Christian and her struggle with prolife vs pro choice. She raised some very valid points, and admitted she’s lost good friends over her beliefs. I couldn’t help myself, my fingers just started typing and the next thing I knew I’d produced this!
I had this very conversation last night with my husband. It’s a really hard part of being a Christian to follow blindly what we are ‘supposed’ to believe. But life isn’t black and white, it’s all shades of grey and the decisions we make, whether others agree or not, we have to live with and in the end, if we are believers, have to make our peace with God.
However, also remember that God forgives our sins and he knows us. We’re fallible and imperfect because that’s how he made us. So if a woman or girl finds herself in a situation where for whatever reason, an abortion is an option she might choose, I don’t think we have a right to judge her. And if it can be performed safely with little to no risk to the mother then isn’t that better than seeking a back alley quack who will willingly take her money while possibly risking her life and/or future fertility?
What makes it so sad is that those who yell the loudest are often completely ill informed. It really is a polarising topic and which ever way America swings, I hope it is remembered that saving the life can’t be the end. The parents of that severely disabled child will have enormous healthcare debt forever and continually fight an ever decreasing funding pool for services or the mother already living on the poverty line, who couldn’t afford protection in the first place, really can’t afford another mouth to feed, or the emotional trauma a 12 yo rape or incest victim must work through being forced to bear a child.
That can’t be what Christians want either. In the end, none of it is clear cut or easy, whatever side you take. Thank you for writing this.
I worry about the changes and the judgements being made. It frightens me at how unfeeling the people who are opposing a woman’s right to choose are.
Some of them say the dumbest things, like a woman’s body can shut down and not conceive if she’s raped, like really? Are you kidding me? We’re not kangaroos, no wait, they can’t even do that!
I worry that while people are trying to do what they think is right, they could be ultimately endangering more lives and affecting those who weren’t asked to be born into severe poverty or deformity.
Unfortunately we still live in highly sexualised times that are totally unequal. We blame the victims of rape and sexual assault, we worry about the ruined lives of offenders and then we force women to be submitted to all sorts of unnecessary testing and humiliation prior to any procedure they may decide is in the best interests of their lives.
It’s not like they haven’t thought of every angle before they made the decision they have.
Why do we do this? Why are women treated so badly? What’s so threatening about us? Why must we be controlled, beaten, put in our place, made to feel fear and inferiority, be a man’s plaything?
But at the same time, not be allowed to make our own decisions regarding our bodies?
In ancient cultures women were revered, worshipped.
Even in other modern societies, women are held in higher regard than here in the US, they are world leaders, hold positions of great power and yet here, I feel like we’re taking giant steps backwards, losing ground, hard won by our mothers and grand mothers!
But these issues are so complex and opinions are so polarising that adding religion into the mix is a recipe for no-win arguments and loss of friendships!
Sad really because shouldn’t we be able to have healthy, civilised debate and still remain friends? It would be preferable of course!
However, if you can’t, is it best to shut up and not voice your opinions or lose friends?
I wonder, what would you do?
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I think a friendship can survive very differing opinions if and only if both people are willing to be respectful of the other. Sometimes the best thing can be to agree to disagree. My brother and I are this way regarding feminism. I am 100% a feminist. My brother, while he is actually respectful of women, is very much a traditionalist. We both know that the other wants what is best, we just don’t agree on how to arrive there. So we agree to disagree, and instead do things together that we both enjoy.
Author
And that seem like the perfect solution. Hats off to you guys, if only the world could do the same.
Abortion is such a difficult topic to discuss. My husband and I, both Christians, are at opposite ends of the “debate”. I’m very vehemently pro-choice, while he is very much pro-life. Now, being pro-choice does not make you anti-life. It simply means that you believe that women are intelligent, caring, thoughtful individuals who are more than capable of making the best decision for themselves and their families.
I was raped during my college years. I don’t remember anything about it. Neither do two of my girlfriends, who also woke up with me, naked and wondering what happened. Two of us discovered pregnancies as a result. We made two different decisions. I did not come to my decision lightly, or quickly. Nor did she. But, we both live with our choices, and have been forgiven for them.
My husband and I agree to disagree. We just don’t talk about it at all. It’s a conversation I cannot have with my parents, who are of the school that thinks “she asked for it, now she’s got to live with the consequences”. I haven’t lost any friends over the “debate”, because we love each other more than we dislike one another’s opinions. In all honesty, a friend who doesn’t stick around because you disagree, is no kind of friend (or Christian) at all. Jesus loved everyone, man/woman/child, straight/gay/trans, healthy/diseased, wealthy/poor, and of any faith. Shouldn’t we all be doing the same?
Author
YES! This is my point,we shouldn’t be judging anyone!Unfortunately the Christians seem to be the worst. I’m pretty sure Jesus wasn’t like that. I choose to believe in him and his teachings rather than ‘religion’ and it’s stupid rules. My husband and I are also opposed in beliefs and we also choose not to discuss it. I believe nobody has the right to decide for us what we want. Thank you for sharing your story.
I’ve lost a “friend” or two because I didn’t get born again. On the other hand, my real friends and I despite not seeing eye to eye on some important topics can agree to disagree and focus on the things we have in common and what we love about eachother and continue our friendship. I think the harder thing to realize is some people aren’t really our friends.
Usually, if I know that the other person probably has a differing view from mine, I steer away from the topic altogether. So different from my school and college days when all of us used to enjoy a good debate! Nowadays, people just get angry if someone disagrees with them. Sad!